What is scissoring and how do you do it?

Did you grow up smooshing your Barbies’ non-existent vulvas together? Their plastic limbs akimbo in a sapphic embrace as Ken lay dejected in the toy box? Well, congrats, you’re probably queer now — and you’re also probably more than a little curious about scissoring. 

And it seems like you’re not alone, the official stats released in Pornhub’s 2022 year in review reveal that “Lesbian Scissoring” searches grew over 151 percent worldwide last year, with women being over 155 percent more into “scissoring” searches than men.

Luckily, we’ve got you: Here’s our expert guide on one of the often misunderstood sex act and how to scissor. 

What is scissoring?

Scissoring, also known as tribbing, is primarily defined as a sex position between two people with vulvas, where they achieve sexual stimulation by rubbing their vulvas together. However, the term is often applied to describe other forms of primarily non-penetrative activity.

Generally, people associate scissoring with vulva-on-vulva contact. Tribbing is used to describe this, too, and is also used to indicate when someone grinds a vulva on a partner’s body part for reasons of sexual gratification. “It is common to use the term tribbing to include more than vulva-to-vulva rubbing such as vulva-to-thigh or vulva-to-foot,” explains Dr. Michele O’Mara(Opens in a new window), a relationship coach focussing on lesbian relationships. 

However, if we’re going to get into semantics, this isn’t quite the right word. “A more accurate term for this is frottage, from the french word frot, which means to rub. Frottage is the rubbing together of two bodies for non-penetrative sex,” says O’Mare. Frotting, however, is a word primarily associated with gay male subculture and sexual practices: normally non-penetrative penis-to-penis rubbing.

Okay, confusing. But it doesn’t necessarily matter what things in the bedroom are called, as long as you and any sexual partners have a clear, shared and consensual understanding of whatever you’d like to try. If you’re not particularly good with terms, or have different ideas of what they mean, just describe whatever position or activity you’d like to get up into. 

How do you scissor?

One of the most common interpretations of tribadism or tribbing is basically as a type of dry-humping, but without clothes. So if you’ve ever tried TikTok’s infamous knee move(Opens in a new window) (where you move your knee to apply pressure to a partner’s clitoris during a fully-clothed makeout sesh) you just need to do that — but minus the clothes and up the intensity. 

But when we discuss “scissoring” we imagine something a bit more specific, right? Right. Specifically, it conjures a vision of two people with their legs spread apart (mimicking the blades of a pair of scissors) rubbing their vulvas together.

 

Unless you happen to be pretty advanced in gymnastics, you might find that this requires a bit of wriggling and repositioning — so stay in-tune with what your body is telling you. “The goal is to get your vulva in contact with your partner’s vulva in the most comfortable position possible,” reminds O’Mara. “Comfort is the tricky part. If you have issues with flexibility you may experience more pain than pleasure when it comes to scissoring.” Given that scissoring can be a pretty vigorous activity, you might always want to stretch beforehand if you want to minimise the potential for any sex-related injuries — particularly focussing on the legs, groin and inner thighs.  

If you plan on sticking to scissoring or tribbing for a long-haul sesh, it’s important to use some lubricant for extra glide. “This is a friction-based activity and friction is much nicer with lube and relying on natural lubricant means that you are less likely to have a great time — lots of lube is what makes for the greatest stimulation,” explains clinical psychologist and sex/intimacy coach Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey. 

Bisbey also notes that you might want to add extra stimulation in the form of sex toys if you want to take things up a notch. “If you are doing this vulva-to-vulva you can add a clitoral vibrator in between to increase the sensations.”

Are STIs still a risk with scissoring?

As with all forms of sexual contact, it pays to play safe when it comes to tribbing. 

You might think that, as a primarily non-penetrative sexual activity, scissoring won’t lead to the transmission of STIs. However, that’s not quite the case — especially if direct, genital-to-genital contact is involved. “You risk exposure to STIs such as herpes, genital warts, and HPV, or other infections that can be passed through a vaginal fluid, such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea,” says O’Mara.

However, due to the friction element of the practice and the fact it is primarily associated with people who have vulvas, traditional safer sex barriers might not work. Often, condoms are used on penises and strap-ons during penetrative sex or oral sex, latex, or nitrile gloves are used for safer fingering and dental dams (latex or polyurethane sheets) are positioned over the vulva during cunnilingus. But scissoring precludes the use of any of these — with the most likely of these options, dental dams, unlikely to stay in place during a bout of vigorous scissoring. 

This is one of the reasons why it is so vital to attend regular sexual health checkups and to share this information with your partners, so that everyone can make informed decisions about their sexual health.  “It is hard to make a barrier method of protection work with tribbing so it is important to be up to date on your STI testing and to regularly share this with partners,” says Bisbey. “Abstain if you have any signs of active outbreaks.”

Do lesbians really scissor? 

Scissoring is something of a, shall we say, “controversial” activity within the lesbian community. That’s because it’s pretty much synonymous with lesbianism according to the straight imagination — and a prominent feature in mainstream lesbian porn. But ask some people of the sapphic persuasion themselves, and they’re likely to refute these presumptions, roll their eyes and mutter that scissoring is simply just not possible. 

The reality, however, is that lesbians and other queer people do in fact get down to some scissoring from time to time — a 2015 Autostraddle survey(Opens in a new window) even suggested that 40 percent of WLW (women who love women) do so regularly. A survey(Opens in a new window) conducted independently by O’Mara suggested that the figure is lower, and rests at 33 percent. 

While the amount of people scissoring or tribbing is unclear, it still does seem to be a fairly common activity among lesbians and queer women. But as Bisbey points out, “Anyone can engage in tribbing — not just lesbians.”

While the term may primarily be associated with the sapphic contingent, anyone who’s curious about trying non-penetrative, erotic rubbing can chat with their sexual partner about it and give it a try. If everyone’s on board and necessary precautions are taken, there’s nothing to lose! 

Scissoring sex positions

If you’re struggling on how to get started, it can help to get some concrete clues about how to approach scissoring. Luckily, O’Mara is on hand — and brings with her years of experience in the realm of sapphic intimacy.

“Perhaps the least challenging position is for each person to lie on their back, one partner laying with their head at the head of the bed, and the other with their head at the foot of the bed,” she explains. “Then, each partner will move the leg closest to the other, with one partner lifting their leg into the air while the other partner moves their leg under the lifted leg.”

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Once in position, it’s a case of moving in closer and starting the rub-a-dub-dub. “Now, their bodies are interlocking, each with one leg resting across the other’s body and their vulvae are in a position to connect. From here, both partners scoot toward the other until their vulvas make contact,” she says. “If possible, they can grab one another’s hands for leverage. In this position, each partner— or one of them, if only one has the body strength or mobility — can begin rubbing themself against the other.”

This position, with one partner in between the legs of the other, can be referred to as missionary scissoring and often allows both individuals to move their hips and groin. However, there are various alternatives to the formula described by O’Mara. You might find it easier to interlock legs if one partner is sitting on their side, for example, while the other is on their back. Or maybe you’ll prefer if one person is sitting upright with their legs spread — and then the other partner fits between their legs.

However, it’s important to note that scissoring might not be achievable to all due to the stretching and frequent movements involved and could make some people feel uncomfortable. If this is the case, it might be better to focus on vulva-to-thigh, stomach or bum contact.

And for those with more limited mobility, Bisbey has some parting advice. “People who have reduced mobility may find that supportive pillows and cushions make scissoring easier,” she explains. “Varying body positions frequently, so joints don’t stiffen up, may also help.”

So there you have it: will scissoring make the cut in your sex life?