Is Apple just naming its phones after Doritos flavors now?

Image: AnikaSalsera/getty

You can almost taste it. 

Apple is expected to drop three new iPhones next week, and while the details of just what exactly will be revealed are the topic of much speculation, we can’t help but focus on one particular looming question. Specifically, is Apple just naming its phones after Doritos flavors now?

According to 9to5Mac, the label currently being “considered” in Cupertino for the next flagship Apple phone would feel more at home on the side of a bag of flavor-blasted corn chips than a gleaming smartphone. World, get ready for the “iPhone Xs Max” — a smartphone fit for the bodega shelf next to a few bags of Doritos JACKED 3D and Doritos BLAZE. 

Take a moment to say it out loud: iPhone. Xs. Max. Revel in the confusion of whether it’s pronounced “ten s” or “excess” as that delightful etymological puzzle slams an energy drink and positively freestyle walks its way off your tongue. 

My fingers are feeling that familiar dusty orange already. 

Now, to be clear, we’re not 100 percent sure this will be the name of the likely forthcoming 6.5-inch version of the iPhone X. 9to5Mac’s report is based on “two sources familiar with Apple’s marketing plans,” and could be either out of date or just flat out incorrect. 

But oh man we hope it’s not. 

Image: Cavan Images/getty

Because just think of the possibilities of a phone whose names straight up screams “authenticity in the world of uncompromising flavor.” They’re numerous, right? So numerous, in fact, that we had to reach out to the experts at PepsiCo — the parent company of Frito-Lay (which makes Doritos) — for comment on what reads as the wacky branding-crossover hero this country needs. 

Unfortunately, as of press time no one at the company had responded. But hey, that won’t squash our definitely bold Doritos Salsa Verde dreams. No way, no how. 

On the contrary, lack of official comment from the flavor masters at Frito-Lay has only inspired us to come up with our own possible names for the other two phones Apple is set to unveil next week.

How about, say, the 5.8-inch OLED iPhone xXTREMEx? Sure, it’s a little on the nose, but we can’t help but admire the Jony Ive-esque simplicity and directness of it. And you can just feel in your bones that it would go well with a few Cool Ranch Doritos.

OK, that just leaves the 6.1-inch entry-level iPhone rumored to be priced around $700-800. Maybe, as this is the lower-tier model, something slightly understated is in order. The iPhone sTONED sounds about right for that one, as it both describes our preferred reality when consuming Doritos and the likely state of whoever came up with that Xs Max name. 

Because honestly, come on.