Bloomberg accidentally created an Alexa Fleshlight and oh my gawd

Bust out the brain bleach, because you’re gonna need it. 

In an amazing feat of not being able to see what’s right in front of them, on Dec. 11 Bloomberg Businessweek published a well-reported dive into the privacy concerns surrounding Amazon’s family of Alexa products. And, to drive the article’s point home, someone on the company’s art team created cover art that, shall we say, implies customers are doing more than just talking to the digital assistant. 

I mean, just look at the damn thing. It’s a Fleshlight! 

Image: Scott Gelber / Bloomberg businessweek

And we’re not the only ones who immediately made this rather unfortunate connection.

“Incredible,” wrote tech and sex reporter Samantha Cole, “alexa now comes with fleshlight mode.”

“Huge scoop from Bloomberg,” wrote the HuffPost’s Will Tooke, “Alexa is also a fleshlight.”

This, of course, could have easily been avoided had Bloomberg followed Wired reporter Paris Martineau’s advice. 

“Every company should have one person whose whole job is to ask ‘will we be owned online for this?'” she correctly observed. 

We, of course, reached out to the makers of the sex toy in question for their opinion on Bloomberg’s unholy creation, but unfortunately received no immediate response.

Bloomberg Businessweek, for its part, thinks we’re the ones with the dirty minds.

“It’s an EAR, folks,” wrote the publication in response to the chorus of Fleshlight comparisons. 

Which, sure. Now excuse me while I never look at a smart speaker the same way again.