The cost of living crisis is impacting our dating habits

“I recently deleted Hinge because I have no money to pay for dates,” 26-year-old Lewis, who wanted to remain anonymous, tells Mashable. “I went on a date a few weeks ago and nothing really came from it, only a big hole in my pocket.”

With costs for everything on the rise, and not looking to slow down, the cost of living crisis is impacting just about everyone, whether physically — with many unable to afford food — or mentally, with rising prices causing people to struggle with their mental health and lose sleep. 

And now, the crisis is changing the way we date, especially for young people. Research commissioned by the dating app Bumble, which quizzed 2,187 adults on their thoughts on money and dating, found that young people in particular are feeling conscious of their finances when it comes to dating: 30 percent of those aged 18-34 are conscious of their date’s budget when suggesting a venue for a date, and one in five (21 percent) are more likely to set themselves a budget to spend on a date than they were at the beginning of the year. Bumble’s survey also found that one in five care more now about being with someone who is financially stable than they did at the beginning of the year.

“It sounds like I don’t have my life together. Plus, I feel like it’s not what people wanna hear.”

This is why Lewis, who is in between jobs after a stint of travelling, is reluctant to tell prospective dates that he doesn’t have a job at the moment. “It sounds like I don’t have my life together,” he says. “Plus, I feel like it’s not what people wanna hear, like the first few months of dating usually consist of many activities, but I have no money for them.” He adds that it’s “annoying how it’s normal for dates to usually consist of drinks in bars” and other money-intensive activities. “I’d prefer a walk and a picnic with nice views,” he says.

Becky, 24, agrees with Lewis that Britain’s dating culture is intrinsically tied in with our drinking culture. As someone who likes to be independent, Becky says she always wants to match the amount of money her date spends. “If they get a round [of drinks], I’ll get a round,” she says. “Plus, it’s not a sexy thing to talk about finances and admit you can’t afford the next round, especially on a first date, so you both end up playing a game of chicken in terms of how much you’re willing to spend — but I’m not about that anymore. If someone can’t afford something, I’d rather them just tell me and then we can actually meet up and do something more affordable.”

As Becky points out, talking about money has always been a bit of taboo, both in and out of the dating game. But she feels that being open about finances makes things easier and more comfortable for everyone. In fact, she says, it’s a “green flag.” After all, honesty and openness are what she looks for in potential partners. “If someone tells me their truth, even when it makes them uncomfortable, they’re more likely to be the type of person I want to spend time and be with,” she says. This stacks up to the results of Bumble’s survey, which found that one in three people believe it’s important to talk about finances with the person they are dating and only six percent saying they would never talk about finances with someone they’re newly dating. 

Previously, a lack of money — and the mindset that if you can’t afford to date, you shouldn’t — could have pushed certain people out of the dating game. But it feels like the tide is turning. Nearly half (42 percent) of people who answered Bumble’s survey would prefer modest date locations to avoid any pressure or stress about money, leading to a rise in “low-key dating”. In fact, 34 percent of those aged 18-34 are now more likely to suggest a free date activity, such as a walk in the park or on a beach, than they were at the start of this year.

“If someone tells me their truth, even when it makes them uncomfortable, they’re more likely to be the type of person I want to spend time and be with.”

“A cheap picnic date is always a shout,” says Lewis, but adds that he’s worried about asking women to go to places that might not be as populated as bars or restaurants, and having a few drinks in a park instead. “Imagine if I was a weirdo, then you’re stuck in a field with me, with no escape.”

But Becky says she’s realised you can tell a lot about a person by the types of dates they suggest. “I’ve been very much enjoying the more laidback, chill kind of dates, like having a picnic in the park or chilling and watching a film,” she tells us. “I also enjoy going on walks and doing more wholesome outdoorsy stuff, because it costs less, but it’s also a good way of seeing what kind of person someone is.”

According to Bumble’s research, people aged 35-54 were less likely to set a budget or consider their date’s budget when planning for a date. However, 35 percent still prefer modest date locations and 23 percent are more likely to suggest a free date now compared to the start of the year.

Mel, 32, says that while she would be put off if someone outright told her they were broke, she would be understanding if someone told her they were in between jobs, or said they were saving. “I’m a saver,” she says. “Saving is sexy, and it shows maturity.” Besides, she adds: “I don’t want lavish dates. A coffee date or a picnic in the park would be cute.”

“I don’t want lavish dates. A coffee date or a picnic in the park would be cute.”

However, being in her 30s and thinking about the future and eventually starting a family, the issue of money does cross her mind a little bit more now than it used to, she admits. “If someone is skint, I’d wonder how we would afford to do any of that,” she says. “I definitely didn’t think like that a few years ago when I was in my 20s… They need to be able to support themselves. I wouldn’t want to support someone in the beginning, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t do that in a relationship if for some reason I had to.”

For people in relationships, the cost of living crisis is causing people to think about fast-tracking their relationship, namely by moving in together to save on living costs. This is especially true of renters, who are being hit with huge rent hikes across the country. In fact, research by Spare Room found that around a quarter of renters are considering moving in with their partner earlier than planned due to solo-renting becoming unaffordable.

Despite only being with her partner for a matter of months, Jorja, a university student living in Salford, UK, decided to take the plunge and live with them during term time in order to save money. “The thought of us both paying separate rents very much felt pointless,” she tells Mashable. “We’d already spent a lot of time basically living with each other during the pandemic at my family home so we just thought we might as well split the bills.”

While moving in with a partner can be daunting, especially when it’s premature, Jorja says she has no regrets. Since she’s saving money, Jorja says she has more time to spend studying and socialising rather than racking up extra hours at her part-time job. “I honestly think it’s the best decision we’ve ever made,” she says. “We get to spend way more time with each other and split the rent, so it’s a win-win. We’ve definitely saved money on student accommodation and, besides, I really don’t think I would’ve been able to afford a one bed flat on my own.”

The financial crisis and its impacts can’t be separated from the minutiae of our lives, and our love lives are no different. If you have less money to spend on generally being alive, how could you be expected to fork out for the same dates you were going on even six months ago? The cost of living crisis is far reaching and practically no one has gone unaffected. While older people might have different priorities than younger people when it comes to looking for love, money is still an object, and people of all ages have no choice but to adapt to the needs of the dating pool. But with the cost of living crisis causing more people to be more authentic and open, there are some silver linings.