The 10 alien species we’d most like to invade Earth right now

This post is part of Science of Sci-Fi, Mashable’s ongoing series dissecting the science (or lack of science) in our favorite sci-fi films, TV shows, and books.

It’s one of the oldest tropes in science fiction: when aliens invade Earth, we fight back. Maybe not always in the smartest way (hey, Independence Day President Whitmore, did you really need to nuke Houston?), but it’s taken for granted that we will at least try to #resist. 

Would that always be the case, however? 

In an era where the alien demand “take me to your leader” is likely to be answered with embarrassed faces and a lot of looking at our feet (“uh, yeah, about that …”), it might be better in some cases to just agree to the new arrangement. Surely plenty of extraterrestrial species would be better at ruling the planet than the current incumbents?

I, for one, welcome our benign and actually intelligent alien overlords. The trick is figuring out which ones they are.  

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When it comes to aliens, on-screen science fiction hasn’t given us a whole lot of positive portrayals. The vast majority are monsters-of-the-week. But there are at least 10 species that are clearly preferable to our present leadership. I’ve ranked them, below, for easy identification when the flying saucers land.

A couple caveats: I ruled out any aliens where we’ve only ever seen one of them (so long, insufferably preachy Klatuu from The Day the Earth Stood Still) or only seen them in silhouette (as in Close Encounters of the Third Kind). I also declared ineligible any species portrayed as so primitive that they haven’t yet figured out how to pilot a starship. Sorry, Avatar‘s blue-skinned Navi’i, sorry Ewoks, sorry Porgs — although the latter seems likely to stow away on any vessel. 

10. Gallifreyans

There’s a reason why the Doctor (soon to return to our screens played by Jodie Whitaker) ran away from her homeworld of Gallifrey and her people, also known as Time Lords. In 55 years of Doctor Who we’ve never learned exactly what that reason is, but we can guess it probably has something to do with the fact that Time Lords are, generally speaking, entitled assholes. 

But the Doctor, their unofficial ambassador to Earth, is living proof that Gallifreyans can change — quite literally. All Time Lords are able to regenerate 12 times (the Doctor, now technically on her 14th body, was granted an extension). And it was well established, even before Whitaker took over the role, that they can also change gender. 

A 2015 episode, Hell Bent, showed a male Time Lord general regenerating into a woman, then lamenting her feeble, insufferable previous incarnation: “good lord, how do you cope with all that ego?” The thought of our leadership going through that change, and having that realization, sounds pretty good right now. 

Pros: Have invented time travel, which would be a game-changer for the tourism industry. Have two hearts, thus requiring more check-ups. Regenerating Time Lords will probably require more therapists. Overall, a major boost for the health and wellness economy. 

Cons: Severe policies on punishment (Doctor was once locked up for 4 billion years). Time Lord domination of Earth may invite yet more Dalek invasions. Worst of all, Doctor has pledged to protect Earth; would probably attempt to eject them, restore current leadership. No thanks, Doc!

9. Kryptonians

Image: Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

Sure, Superman’s home planet of Krypton was wiped out by terrifying natural instability that its leadership decried as fake news. But a) more Kryptonians survived than you might think, and b) they’ve probably learned a valuable lesson when it comes to our climate change problem.  

Now, when Krypton sends us invaders, it’s not always sending their best. They’re prehistoric nightmares (Doomsday), they’re Phantom Zone convicts (General Zod and crew). But you have to assume most are good people: Just look at Kal-El (Superman), Kara Zor-El (Supergirl), Krypto (Superdog) and the adorable inhabitants of the bottle city of Kandor (which was Krypton’s capital).  

Pros: All automatically become superhuman under Earth’s yellow sun. This would lead to boom times for costume makers, especially manufacturers of underpants. Delivery of anything would likely become very fast. Also, most Kryptonians seem to be drawn to selfless service, saving lives, kittens in trees, etc. 

Cons: Require a sick day any time they see a glowing green rock. What? It’s just jewelry! 

8. Thermians

The adorable aliens from Galaxy Quest seem too peaceful, dorky and naive to invade anywhere. Which is exactly why we need them to point their ships at Earth now, please.

Pros: They’re unable to tell the difference between fiction and reality, so they will really be impressed by all of our interstellar exploits as seen on Netflix. Also, they’re allegedly good kissers. 

Cons: That whole Beatle haircut thing is just a ruse to make them look nice to us. They’re actually slimy and tentacled, and it might take us some time to adjust and not constantly point that out when we meet them. 

7. Mon Calamari

Fish are friends, not food, as we learned in Finding Nemo. And there are no friendlier fish than the Mon Calamari, that race of aquatic rebels seen in four Star Wars films. 

You probably remember Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi (and his tragic off-screen death in The Last Jedi). You might remember General Raddus from Rogue One: without the sacrifice of his entire ship, the Rebels would never have gotten away with the Death Star plans. 

These guys are loyal, effective, and really good at identifying traps.

Pros: Any Mon Calamari invasion of Earth would focus on making the oceans livable first. So long, Great Pacific Garbage Patch! Bye bye, ocean acidification! Coral reefs, welcome back! Plus, anyone who has a Shape of Water-style fetish: you’re in luck. 

Cons: We’d never be able to order the fish again, especially not that delicious fried octopus dish. All the best sushi chefs would likely be imprisoned. 

6. Andorians 

There are plenty of benign Star Trek species we could pick. But let’s be honest, most are just too dull. I considered including the Bajorans from Deep Space Nine, but they tend to whine a lot about how they were invaded by the Cardassians (which would likely lead to tragic reprisals against our own Kardashians.)

Andorians are a different story, however. Known by their blue skin, white hair, and antennae, they don’t get a whole lot of screen time in Trek canon. But every time they do show up, you’re guaranteed a wild time complete with brawling, booze, and Olympic-level seduction.

Pros: Andorian ale is reputedly the best in the Federation. Andorian blues is supposed to be pretty good music, too. And most Andorian marriages require four people, which should spice things up if Earthlings are made to follow suit. 

Cons: All owners of deely bobbers instantly become racists. 

5. Asogians

Yup, that’s the official name for the species first seen in E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial. Not only would this squat and supremely benign being make it onto our list on his own merits (he is not alone — spoiler alert, we see his family at the end of the movie), but he’s also the one and only link between our planet and the far, far away galaxy of Star Wars, in which Asogians also appear.

Pros: Given their well-documented love of Reese’s Pieces, the Hershey company would probably be able to provide full employment for the whole planet. Also, who needs universal healthcare when Asogian index fingers can fix everything?

Cons: Aerial bike rides can be dangerous. Also we may have to avoid mentioning the fact that they appeared in The Phantom Menace. 

4. Flora Colossus

Groot is the only name we really know for this species; they first appeared in Marvel Comics as invaders from “Planet X,” so we know they have form for infiltrating Earth. On screen, we’ve technically seen two Groots — the older one killed at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy, the second one growing to become a surly teenager in Avengers: Infinity War.

Pros: A planet led by an intelligent tree would fix climate change in no time. Starting a wildfire would be redefined as genocide. And if we ever need to take the planet back, Flora Colossi are apparently easily distracted by 1980s video game consoles. 

Cons: Extremely limited vocabulary isn’t great for negotiation. 

3. Wookiees

With speaking (okay, growling) roles in six Star Wars films, Wookiees are by far the most beloved species in the galaxy far, far away. Few fans would object if we were invaded by Wookiees. (I ran an informal Twitter poll to confirm this.) If the infamous Holiday Special could not dent their popularity, nothing ever will. 

Pros: Loyal, loving, incredibly good at hugs. Nobody need ever feel insecure or unsafe again, not with a Wookiee threatening to rip the arms off any assailant.

Cons: Always have to win, no matter what game you play with them. Plus, you know how a large dog will shed on your couch? Imagine that amount of hair, but covering the entire planet. 

2. Dolphins and/or mice

According to the late, great Douglas Adams in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, dolphins and mice were the two most intelligent species on the planet Earth. Dolphins were technically Earth-born, but in Hitchhikers lore they can relocate to another planet at will using nothing but their minds. 

They left Earth in advance of a Vogon demolition squad; perhaps, if the danger has now passed, they can come back and take their rightful place at the apex of the animal kingdom. 

Mice, meanwhile, were really hyperintelligent pandimensional beings who were using the Earth and every creature on it as a vast supercomputer to figure out the question to the answer of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Which, if it actually were the case, would certainly give humanity its missing sense of purpose. 

Pros: We’d either be forced to muck about in the water having a good time, or take part in frighteningly sophisticated experiments.

Cons: Standing on a table screaming like you’re in an early ’60s sitcom.    

1. Vulcans

They are scientific. They are cool-headed. They are supremely rational. They are, in other words, exactly what Earth needs right about now. 

Say what you want about pointy ears. Say what you want about their inability to show emotion or to get human jokes. Do we care that much about rounded ears? Is an understanding of humor what we require from our leadership when the planet is on fire? No, it is not. 

In the Star Trek universe, Vulcans are often portrayed as the saviors of humanity. They’re the first species that show up in Star Trek: First Contact, having discovered the signature of a recently-invented warp drive, and basically take us from post-apocalyptic gloom to gleaming utopian future within a few decades. In the original series, Spock saved the overly impulsive Kirk more times than he can count.  

I don’t know about you, but I can think of no superior or more succinct political credo for human society than “live long and prosper.” Bring it on, Vulcans. 

Pros: A new emphasis on education, science, and starship technology. The banning of every last dumb, destructive, highly illogical thing. 

Cons: Though they are clearly attractive to a wide range of people, Vulcans only get in the mood once every seven years. This will lead to a lot of disappointed Tinder users.